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March 11 at 2PM!!! What better place to showcase 5 BILLION TUNZ OF BACON than at Shangri La on 6th St???!!! Returning for the 3rd year to smashtastic Austin, Matt Timms hosts a day of interesting and fascinating bacon ideas from local cooks that will transmorphanize you all into slobbering beasts of the netherworld!
2PM March 11 @ Shangri La — > DIRECTIONS
EMAIL ME TO SIGN UP AND COMPETE! HURRY! Only 2 spots left! My generous sponsor Hormel Black Label Bacon will GIVE you 15lbs of bacon to create any bacon idea you think properly reflects your moxie. The prizes are NO JOKE this year!!!! (Cusinart! Le Creuset! A year’s supply of Hormel Black Label Bacon! and tons more cookware!!!)
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE! A mere $10 to come and eat the finest bacon dishes- there just can’t be a better deal in ever- and eat and eat some more and finally vote on your favorite dish- be it sweet or savory or a subtle blend of both! And what a dazzling opportunity to hang with Matt Timms and party your face off! Oo!
Bacon Poster (rejected - Hilah Johnson said it was dumb, but awesome...but mostly dumb.)
SPONSORED BY:
Prizes sponsored by:
Portion of procedes benefit Women’s Education Project!
CATEGORY: General
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Check out the SLIDESHOW for all Gabi Porter’s pics at ZAGAT!!! Check out coverage of the winners Andrew Gottlieb and Piers Moreton on Fox News!!!!!
It was sold out. A lot of you didn’t get to see this thing. Because I want you to feel what it is that we felt that day, I wrote a haiku to commemorate the occasion.
Celestial Moonlight of the Serenity of My Serenity
by Matt Timms
The warriors howl
on the cheezy battle field.
Macaroni. Tears.
Never before hath a poem so transported an entire audience directly back in time- to a place of total Brooklyn cheeze!
Here below is the cooks that gave their lives unto this infernal madness of eternal fury of putrid lust of blood puke. For their sacrifice of unholy cheeze, we thank them most wondrously in a serious way. Below the list of players and then a list of the people who even actually won actual prizes!
Thank you Takedownerz! Thank you ZAGAT! Thank you Bell House!
Sonya Samuel – Star Crossed Fried Chicken Mac and Cheeze Popperz
Erica and Rick – 4 Cheeze Broccoli Rabe Sausage M and C
Pete Johnton – A Kick in the Teeth BBQ Spare Rib
Nazim Chowdhury- B3 -Bacon Bechumel Balls
Adrian Ashby – The Mac Daddy
Susan Palmer – Lobstah Fondue w/ Truffle Cheeze Croutons
Stephanie Wortel – Jackie’s Mac
Laura Maio- Zimroth – Modernist Cusine Mac
Piers Moreton – The Baby Maker
Eryn Stutts – Ugly Food Tastes Better – Reuben Mac
Andrew Gottlieb – 4 Mushroom Mac and Cheeze
Nicole Goodkind and John – Gruyere and Cheddar Mac
Zephan Courtney – Rosemary Mac
Dru Hilty – Mama’s Midwest M and C
The Four Horsemen of the Porkopalypse Homey Mustard, Pulled Pork, Candy Maple Bacon
Greg Erskine- Beefy Blue Cheese
Caesar-Robert Alfano – Quack and Cheeze
Edward Rivas – Fromage a Trois
Josh Bardavid and Jennie Pan – 5 Cheeze Bacon Infused Cream Cheeze
Sarah Mahr – Beer Brauts and Blue
James Ruth and Lindsay – Misfits Mac and Cheese
Marty B – Potato Sticks and Bacon M and C
PLACE MAKERS!
3rd Susan Palmer – Lobstah Fondue w/ Truffle Cheeze Croutons
2nd Josh Bardavid and Jennie Pan – 5 Cheeze Bacon Infused Cream Cheeze
1st Andrew Gottlieb – 4 Mushroom M and C *
Honorary Mention (for a classic take on mac and cheeze)
Zeph Courtney – Rosemary Mac and Cheeeeeze
People’s Choice!
3rd Nazim Chowdhury- B3 -Bacon Bechamel Balls
2nd Stephanie Wortel – Jackie’s Mac
1st Piers Moreton – The Baby Maker
pic by Gabi Porter
EVENT SPONSOR:
PRIZE SPONSORS:
*Andrew Gottlieb’s Mac and Cheeze info- read this!!! : Dried Morel and Porcini integrated into the Bechamel, along with oungFontina. Then baked with Gruyere, aged Fontina and Emmentaler.Garnished with Pickled Beech Mushrooms, Roasted Oyster Mushrooms withMeyer Lemon, a Heritage Bacon Lardon and Bacon Fat Bread Crumbs.
CATEGORY: General
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epic art by Matthew Langland
TICKETS ALL SOLD OUT!!! SORRY DUDES!!! BUT HEY, WHY NOT GET ON MY MAILING LIST SO THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN??? EMAIL ME!!!
January 29, 2PM at the Bell House – The Brooklyn Mac and Cheeze Takedown! $15 to eat 25 Mac and Cheezez, as interpreted by 25 local New Yorkers!!!!
TICKETS HERE!
Okay, so trivia question:
You’re on a desert island and there is no hope of rescue for like, a billion years, if you’re lucky! But you have a magic conch that magically prepares meals, but only of one kind of food, actually. What do you tell the conch to feed you for all of eternity? I know what you’re thinking- pretzels! Good guess, but the answer is actually MACANDCHEEZE!
When I esplain to you the reasons why, it is easier to comprehend: Macandcheeze is both nutritious AND fantastic! That’s right, according to my calculations, MacandCheeze is the only necessary thing for indefinite island survival.
This Takedown is sponsored by Zagat, who is currently conducting its 2012/13 New York shopping survey!
EVENT SPONSOR:
PRIZE SPONSORS:
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pic by Natash Ryan, Metromix
- Do you know the Iron Maiden song “The Flight of Icarus”? It’s a story they once wrote in the ’80s about a dude who flew to the sun on man-made wings. Sort of like “Icarus”, you sat down and ate a lot of cookies and egg nog, which kinda weighed you down a bit and so you fell to earth later that night. You probably went home and spent the rest of the night watching romantic comedies and whimpering about your stupid full belly of yumminess, and why did you just do that? Listen dudes, don’t beat yourself up- maybe you can hit the gym in 2012, but let’s live in the present shall we? It’s much more funner!
Check out pics at Metromix, and LocalBozo and Brooklyn Exposed!!!!! You might see your happy face in their slide shows, so check it out!
pic by Natasha Ryan, Metromix
Thanks be to the Bell House- who are so the best venue and staff in the land. Thanks be to my sponsors Cuisinart, West Bend, Chicago Metallic, Oxo, Anolon and Microplane and Bulleit Bourbon– for all the super dope prizes!!!
And thanks, most humbly and radly to all the cooks. They made 300 cookies each, and fed a sold out crowd of drunked-up revellers and each other! HAPPY HOLIDAYS YOU GUYS!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST PEOPLE EVER!!! (I’m super glad to say everyone who came was able to walk away with a Le Creuset spatula, an Oxo pastry cutter, and a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon!!!)
After the jump, let’s see the winnerz, and also ALL the yummy cookies at the Brooklyn Cookie Takedown:
Continue reading →
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Excerpted from the holojournal of Matt Timms, Time Prince. December 18, 3058:
…my hydro-wetform was nearly dry, and with no more cryptobolts in my Spanka Blaster, I thought about death. Smoke whisped across the piles of green nukestones. At first I couldn’t see them. Then I could and screamed. My scream was lost in the unrelenting pangadust storm that whipped around me. A band of 30 muto-ferrels, shambling, limping, oozing – broke out of the cruel mist. The warped creations were spawn of centuries of The Last War’s radiation. Some were naked, others clothed in a makeshift armor from trashed hovercar parts and rotten plastobolts. None of these fiends were human, and represented to me the collective guilt of mankind’s own hatred of itself. Sillhouetted against an unkind wasteland, they each held aloft something I couldn’t at first see-and didn’t care. For suddenly they let forth an unholy, unified “FABAHGAHWAH!!!!!” and I must confess I filthed myself at that moment, and was ashamed. The pack slunk forward and surrounded me. I would never forget what they clutched in their perverted claws! Each of the 30 mutant warriors offered not war, but… COOKIES! An endless array of COOKIES! A message of peace! Of holiday cheer! I stayed 2 hours with this mangled tribe, and that very night I learned their ways and traditions. They are generous and true, and in spite of their hideous appearance I have much respect for this culture- especially their baking skills, which are second to none…It was a happy holidays indeed!!!! …
December 18 2011 3PM at The Bell House! Come see for yourself the future apocalyptic culture of cookies! $15 to eat 30 different cookies, baked by 30 locals. VOTE to name the Main Best Cookie, plus enjoy an hour of free Bulleit Bourbon eggnog (because Happy Holidays you guys!!!!).
P.S. poster by TALLBOY! EMAIL ME if you’d like to order an 11×17 inkjet print for $5! Pick up at the Takedown or later!
Prizes by:
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All pics by Gabi Porter, Metromix (check out the full pic slideshow!)
Wow, what a bunch of scumbags from hell! Sleazing around the Bell House with their chili and their malevolent Brooklyn ideas! Takedownerz in Brooklyn are the TUFFEST!!!! Before this, I didn’t know about Goat Chili, or Alligator Shrimp Chili or… wow how is it that I can’t seem to get Beano interested in sponsoring me!? We created more methane than a field of heifers! Beano if you’re reading this, wtf!???!!!
Thanks as always to The Bell House for its Good People and many drinks!!!! If you stayed late, after the TD rocked Nashville Pussy and the Supersuckers- so if you like chili and you like rocking, Sunday was the best day of forever!!!
Here after the jump are all them winners- and a list of the Takedowners and their perfect recipes… Continue reading →
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Um can I just say that wow? Avocados overflowed, streamed out our ears and down the beautiful snowy slopes of Denver- creating a avolanche (same joke twice hmmm) so large that we were all completely and happily squished underneath!!!!
There were “Zippy Muffs”! There was a dude actually named DJ Psycho who basically makes the crap out of some serious Avo Cheeze cake, turns out! There was fudges and jams and soups and cocktails… And Denver did something I’ve never seen before at a takedown: a bunch of the contestants made multiple items with 50 Avocados from Mexico given them each (seriously!) This woman, nay this GODDESS OF FUN Randa Duffy made 4 different dishes!!!! A tart, a colada cocktail, a ravioli, and even empanadas!!!! I am NOT EVEN KIDDING she did all that herself…
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November 20th 2PM at The Bell House!!!
My Most Special Takedown… Brooklyn Chili Takedown- chili is a foul seductress, people. This is a no rulez competition that says rules… are for Texans.
COMPETITOR LIST IS CLOSED but EMAIL ME to get on the Wait List, or to get on my mailing list so you never miss another chance to enter!!!
$15 to come try all the yummy!! Tickets HERE!!!
(and um can I just say that this poster is by my friend Devin Clark the creator of Ugly Americans!??? Stoopazoidical shout out to him for the amazing poster!!!)
Prizos by:
Prizes sponsored by:
Portion of procedes benefit Women’s Education Project!
CATEGORY: General
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Spots filling up! 2 spots still open! EMAIL ME to enter!
Just announced: $1000 Grand Prize!!!
Nov 6 2PM at Casselman’s in NoDo!!!! The 2nd stop on a national tour!!!!
It is no doy that you love avocados. They are totally amazing of course. The question we’re all asking is: what can you do with this much-lauded funtastical fruit!? Blow our minds, Denver! Show Los Angeles that they messed up at their Avocado Takedown!!! I’ll give any local cook in Denver a FREE CRATE of AVOCADOS to whip up a non-guacamole recipe that takes advantage of the eye-bugging awesomeness of the avocado. Sweet or savory- just bring us your finest game. There’s tons of ridiculous prizes from Le Creuset, Anolon, Wusthof and Microplane!!! EMAIL ME to ENTER!!!
And for those of you who’d like to come on down and enjoy this feast of avocados, tickets are only $15 for all you can eat!!! WHUUTTT???? I KNOW!!!!!
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE!!!!
Sponsored by:
Portion of procedes benefit Women’s Education Project!
In association with:
CATEGORY: General
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Thetakedowns.com will neither confirm nor deny that we totally monstered 250 Brooklynites on Sunday (even though we totally did!!!!) at the Bell House. 3rd Bacon TD ever, only this time even more better!!! The stank of a Bacon Takedown makes all other Stuff That Is Fun seem just plain DUMB. Hey, you guys? Guess what Jenn De la Vega did when she WON this thing? She totally cried!!!! What a baby!!!! But then she explained to me that she was crying because she was HAPPY! Weird, right!???
Thanks be to Hormel Black Label Bacon! They sponsored this, the last leg of this year’s bacon takedown tour!!! 6 cities DONE!!! Thanks also be to the New York Food Film Festival! Making it possible for me to do BACK TO BACK Takedowns- Tacos Saturday, bacon Sunday…!!!! Also big league shout out to Baconery.com for hanging out their rad bacon baked goods all day long!!!
Guest Judges who bestowed their local food wisdom included:
(Awesome story about Jen Wanous: apparently she was so inspired by her win at last year’s takedown that she quit her job, went to culinary school, and is now a working chef!!!! Because of the Takedown!!! I swear to GOD!!!!)
NOW, AFTER THE JUMP- ALL THE RECIPES, AND WHAT WON WHAT! Continue reading →
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